Recommended Reading for Abuse Survivors

The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- and Start Standing up for Yourself by Beverly Engel

"Are you too nice for your own good? Do family members manipulate you? Do coworkers take advantage of you? If this sounds familiar, read The Nice Girl Syndrome. In this breakthrough guide, renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships, can show you how to take control of your life and take care of yourself."

The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
"People don't just "snap" and become violent, says de Becker, whose clients include federal government agencies, celebrities, police departments, and shelters for battered women. "There is a process as observable, and often as predictable, as water coming to a boil." Learning to predict violence is the cornerstone to preventing it. De Becker is a master of the psychology of violence, and his advice may…

Beauty School Scam Artist - How I Barely Escaped a Psychopath

When I graduated high school, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to go to college, but didn’t feel that I was ready. Instead, I immediately began looking for a job. Right away, I got a call for an interview at a cosmetics store.
I showed up to the interview, and the first thing the interviewer said to me was, "Wow, your makeup is amazing. Would you like to be our lead makeup artist?"
I was shocked; I thought I was just applying for a salesgirl position. I had always been artistic, and I loved makeup, just like any other teenage girl, but I never thought of myself as an actual makeup artist.
I had flashbacks to high school when the girls would show up to class with no makeup, instead, they would bring their makeup bags and ask me to do their makeup for them in between classes. "You should be a makeup artist when you grow up." they always told me, but I never took them seriously. But hearing someone much older than I, tell me that I could be a mak…

Don't be Ashamed...

"Don't be ashamed of your life story. It may not be pretty, it may not be perfect, but it's yours, so own it. A real honest story with a few ups and downs is a hell of a lot more interesting than a perfect fairy tale, anyways."

Follow me on Twitter @AvaAngora

Psychopathic Abuse Recovery: Learning to Trust Your Perceptions

"If you live off a mans compliments, you'll die from his criticism." -Cornelius Lindsey

Before we got involved with the Psychopath we probably weren't feeling so great about ourselves, our self esteem was low. That's why it felt so great when they came along and love bombed us.

They told us things we never believed about ourselves, that we were beautiful, intelligent, talented, funny, ect. 
We soon began to see ourselves through the eyes of the Psychopath, because that's how they wanted us to be. They wanted to be in control of our perceptions, in control of our reality. Because when the time inevitably came for them to discard us and they then labeled us as worthless, they knew we would believe them because they had already tricked us into believing that their perceptions were fact.  Lately I've been struggling with this because sometimes when I think of all the wonderful compliments the Psychopath gave me, and then I think about how most everything he t…

Don't Confuse Personality for Character: The Difference between Personality and Character

"When a sinister person means to be your enemy, they always start by trying to become your friend."-William Blake

“The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.”- Julius Caesar

It's easy to meet people who share common interests with us. The internet is filled with countless websites, fan blogs, and forums dedicated to specific interests. Now finding people who enjoy the same music, movies, or TV shows is only a click away.

We often become friends with people based on common interests, whether we meet them in real life or online. There is nothing wrong with this, however, I worry that people, especially young people mistake having common interests with someone has something deeper than it actually is.

So many people base their decisions on who they will date or become friends with based on their first encounters. So many times I've heard people say, "but they were so nice/funny/cool" only to find out later on that the person they are …

Questions to Ask When Dating or Making a New Friend

Evil people don't always look like scary monsters - sometimes they can come to us as being sweet and innocent. Now when I meet someone who seems to be perfect, I instantly become suspicious because no one is perfect.

These are some questions to ask yourself when that "perfect" person comes into your life...

-Do they have a good relationship with family/friends? (If they don't, this is a red flag)

-Are they always blaming their problems on others? (If they do, this is a red flag)

-What are they trying to get from me, and why?

-Why do they need me to get what they want? Why can't they do it themselves?

-Do they claim to have financial problems, health problems, ect. without providing evidence?

-Do the stories they tell add up?

-Do they get angry, or ignore me when I question the stories they tell me?

-How long have I known this person, and is our relationship/friendship moving too fast? (If you've known this person less than a year and you're already becom…

How Manipulators and Abusers want you to Feel.

"The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." -Aristotle 

Why is that when it comes to manipulators and abusers, their first go-to insult is to call you crazy, irrational, or too sensitive?

The answer: because calling someone crazy, irrational, or too sensitive is the easiest way to manipulate someone.

Using this kind of language leaves the victim with no chance of self-defence - no matter what they say it will be disregarded and invalidated. "Oh, you're just crazy. Your feelings aren't real, you're not really angry, you're not really sad." This causes the victim to doubt their own reality and accept the abuser's reality instead. And just like that you've been manipulated, and you're under their control.

Anytime someone makes you doubt your own sanity in a demeaning and insulting way is the first sign that you need to get the hell away from that person.

Follow me on Twitter @AvaAngora